Desiree’s season starts next week. Which means all I have to judge the men on is their ABC.com profiles and the previews I’ve seen. Here are my first impressions:
Brad – A contender because an Accountant/DJ combo has to be a contender. And he answered the Bio questions with humor. Oh and he’s obsessed with peanut butter. His only downside? He can’t remember the last time he read a book.
Drew – HIs favorite author is Hemingway (which means he reads, unlike most of the other guys on this season). His favorite flower is “a rose, obviously. Haha” which sounds like a very stereotypical response from this Digital Marketing Analyst. The downside? He apparently can’t count. The 3 things he’d bring if stranded on a desert island are “A sailboat, a radio, a case of Cabernet, and a few books”.
Juan Pablo – This former pro soccer player doesn’t read. He’s laid back but wants to dance all night. If he had a superpower it would be to read people’s minds, which is creepy. But he’s attractive and athletic so I have a feeling Des will like him.
Kasey – This advertising executive with 5 siblings once rode his bike across Sierra Leone. He’s a former Oral Roberts Basketball player so either he’s a jerk athlete or he’s a passionate Christian. I’m guessing the latter and thinking Des will fall for him.
Larry – Went to Notre Dame. Enough said. Ok I don’t actually think he’s a contender based on his hair, but it’s obvious from his Bio ABC wants to play up the ND factor so I’m going to hope he stays awhile.
Mike R – This Dental Student/Model from London may have a cheesy grin in his photo, but he has the whole English accent thing going for him. He apparently likes “bouncing around dive bars with women who are not usually into those kinds of places.” He’s also had sex in public on a military base. Apparently these guys think they’re under oath to admit everything they’ve done in these questionnaires…
Nick M – This Investment Advisor is son of a CEO of a Fortune 500 company (I’ll research and figure out which one). He seems like one of the more normal guys on the show, and reads enough to have a favorite author.
Robert – This Advertising Entrepreneur lists The Notebook among his favorite movies. He’s been to Paris for a picnic date under the Eiffel Tower so I imagine he’ll adjust well to the types of dates on The Bachelorette. He also reads enough to have a favorite author so I expect he’ll go far.
The “eh, seem pretty average” guys
Ben – An entrepreneur from Texas who quite literally answered every Bio question with blah, middle-of-the-road answers that say nothing about his personality:
Bryden – This Iraq War Veteran (who appears to have no current career) is a former Soldier of the Year runner up and listed his best date memory as Go Karts and Laser Tag (which is kind of awesome).
Chris – likes Scrabble. And was drafted by the Cubs (but is listed as a Mortgage Broker so I’ll assume he doesn’t play baseball anymore).
Jonathan – This Attorney lists his best three attributes as his height (6’1”), shoe size (11 – thanks ABC for listing all of the shoe sizes for the guys…), and his vertical leap (TBD). He loves dogs and his dad. If stranded on a desert island he would bring Marisa Miller, and she spells her name incorrectly, so he’s out of the running to be a favorite.
Micah – Fairly average sounding Minnesota law student who likes lakes, cold and being the center of attention. Oh and he once bought an engagement ring for a girl after dating her for a week.
Will – This banker includes Mac & Cheese in his favorite foods and likes going for walks with his dates, which are both awesome. Healso likes taking his dates to the gym to work out with him, which is a little weird to list as your favorite date. His last relationship lasted 6 years so I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s not over her.
Zak W – At least he admits giving a previous girlfriend a robot vacuum as a gift was not the most romantic thing he’s ever done. He claims to be an engineer but apparently went to school for English & Psych. He seems to be funny and a little quirky so I think he’ll do ok on the show.
The Bottom Dwellers
Brandon – He’s from Minnesota yet prefers hot over cold. He also appears to highlight his hair. He’s been engaged before but listed the reason for the breakup as “we never really found a venue.” Seriously… I can’t even make this stuff up. The pros? He loves dogs and his grandpa.
Brian – Based on the previews I think he’s the one that has a girlfriend appear on the show. Even if he’s not that guy, he’s not a contender at all because it looks like he took a selfie as his official picture. And he wants a girl with “an athletic, curvy body type at least 5’5″… and Des is a short stick figure.
Brooks – Overall a boring Bio. But if he had a superpower he’d beat Watson the computer in Jeopardy.
Dan – Hopes to meet his wife on TV because he doesn’t “do the club scene.” Naturally TV is the only other option. And his favorite artist is apparently Leonardo da Vinci. And he said (unprompted) in his questionnaire that he’d be interested in being the next Bachelor if he doesn’t win… so he’s thinking too far ahead.
Diogo – From Brazil and likes horseback riding on the beach. So a walking romance novel. He casually mentioned in his Bio a few last minute dates to Italy and Disneyland, so I’m guessing he’s got $ and will use it to try to win over Des, which never works on this show (cough Kalon cough).
James – His favorite author is Dr. Seuss. I love Dr. Seuss too, but favorite author? He wants a woman who pursues him… so he went on the wrong show. His biggest date fear is spilling tomato sauce on a white shirt, which is kind of adorable. But he literally left his biggest accomplishment in life to date blank, which is bizarre. At 27 if he hasn’t accomplished anything worth mentioning he probably is boring.
Michael G – This Federal Prosecutor is 33, so he seems a little old for Desiree. He also brought up being a diabetic as often as possible, which makes me think he’ll bring it up on the show as often as Sarah brought up her one arm last season.
Mikey T – What is it with these guys? Mikey hasn’t read a book in “many years.” This plumbing contractor and Pawn Stars fan has been the star of a “surprise striptease show in front of hundreds of sorority girls.” His idea of the ultimate date is a sporting event and dinner.
Nick R – This Tailor/Magician (interesting combo) appears to eat only organically and has the best handwriting of all of the guys. What does marriage mean to him? Monogamy. Apparently he’s not used to that concept.
Zack K – Went to USC and includes among his greatest achievements “getting a full ride to USC” for baseball.