As a loyal dog owner I’ll just leave this here for you to read (it contains proof dogs are better companions than cats).
In less than a month THE BACHELOR IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!
So, without further ado, here is my pre-season judging of the contestants:
This Assistant District Attorney who wants to be Kate Middleton and loves Scandal is my personal favorite (and also one of the few appropriately dressed in their picture).
This California hairstylist who is really modest about owning her own salon takes less than an hour to get ready for a date (among the shortest of all contestants) and has never taken a vacation.
She’s Iowan. Therefore she’s awesome.
This Mineral Coordinator (what even is that???) seems fairly normal relative to the other contestants.
This Music Composer talks about Vegetable Choppers (apparently she finds them romantic?) and farting in her application. She may be quirky enough for Juan Pablo.
This California free spirit likes the ocean, travelling, and adventures. She mentions Kate Upton as her best friend, and I think she was kidding, but I’m not too sure… She once organized a 50-person nude dance party. So basically she’ll be the crazy one around for a decent while to drive up ratings.
This pediatric nurse lists her preferred type of dancing as “Is drunk dancing a type?” She also defines the difference between dirty and messy in her bio, so I think we’d be friends (yes Mom, if you’re reading this, there’s a difference).
This Brazilian Legal Assistant likes (among other things) Mean Girls, Star Wars, Banksy, and The Lord of the Rings. So if they can’t talk about their shared home continent they can bond over Mean Girls, which I can only assume is Juan Pablo’s favorite movie.
You’d never guess it by the photo, but she apparently wants to do missionary work… Like it’s the main theme in her application and I actually believe her wants to do missionary work. She also might speak some Spanish (hard to tell based on the application), which will help win Juan Pablo’s heart.
Amy is a “massage therapist” who’s nearly as tall as Juan Pablo. And one of the few contestants who are over 30 (Juan Pablo is 31). I don’t really think she’ll go far.
Outfit judging aside… Amy is a news reporter whose favorite author is Dr. Seuss. I hope she goes far due to funny answers like this:
If you wanted to approach a man you had never met before, how would you go about it? “Walk up to them…how else?”
This high maintenance Elementary School teacher from Texas likes “to dress up, especially for my man” and would bring 6 things to a desert island when asked what 3 things she would bring. Her favorite holiday is Thanksgiving, which is also my favorite holiday, so there might be some hope for her.
This Miami native is a romantic who wants a Fairy tale.
She’s a “science educator”. Which tells me at 24 she hasn’t landed a teaching gig yet. Her favorite snacks are all in the fruit and vegetable families, so I’m judging her. She also talked about giving away toothbrushes in Mexico on vacation changing her life.
This “street smart” Aurora, IL native is obsessed with Adam Sandler and has 2 tattoos.
This first grade teacher seems like the most normal of the bunch. Unfortunately she’s 27 and just coming off an 8 year relationship. She is from Forty Fort, PA, which is awesome.
This Interior Designer likes snap dragons. I like snap dragons. She has a cat but she wants a dog. So basically I approve (if Juan Pablo ever wants my opinion). She’s 23 though, so I don’t think she has much of a shot.
This southern belle has never been on a plane and is a hopeless romantic. She seems nice, but I’m not sure I picture JP with a southern belle.
This Canadian Opera Singer lists her favorite author as Haruki Murakami and likes conversation and food.
This personal trainer would bring a dictionary to a deserted island if stranded because she’d have all the time in the world to read. The dictionary. Oh and “men are always impressed with my food.”
The bottom dwellers according to Marissa
Alli is a nanny who likes her dog and watches Man vs. Wild. I kind of hope she goes far. But I don’t think she will. Hopefully we meet her dog Sebastian before she goes home.
This 21 year old vegan former NBA dancer is 10 years younger than Juan Pablo. Since Juan Pablo strikes me as a leather wearing meat eater looking for someone who might end up as a role model for his daughter, I don’t think she has a chance.
This 23 year old “Police Support Specialist” had really boring answers to the questions.
This Psychiatric Nurse wants a man who is not balding. Reach for the stars Danielle.
Her occupation is “Dog Lover”. Which is fine at age 9, but she’s 27.
This nursing home owner at 25 (how does that even happen?) is from Antelope Acres, CA. She likes to watch sports but has no favorite teams, so I’m not convinced she’s human.
This Martha’s Vineyard Real Estate Agent likes it when her dates “let her order her own dinner”. She also hates it when her date “doesn’t properly introduce her to others.” Since Juan Pablo will have things on his mind other than her, she’ll get to order all on her own.
*All pictures and bio information from abc.com. I’m sorry the pictures are weird and off to the side…
Hi loyal readers,
After a few months of being too busy to blog, I’m back! What did I do during that time you ask? Primarily I ran. A lot. And started a new position at work. And read. And enjoyed the great outdoors because… summer!
But I’m back now! Chicago Marathon finisher and all!
Desiree’s season starts next week. Which means all I have to judge the men on is their ABC.com profiles and the previews I’ve seen. Here are my first impressions:
Brad – A contender because an Accountant/DJ combo has to be a contender. And he answered the Bio questions with humor. Oh and he’s obsessed with peanut butter. His only downside? He can’t remember the last time he read a book.
Drew – HIs favorite author is Hemingway (which means he reads, unlike most of the other guys on this season). His favorite flower is “a rose, obviously. Haha” which sounds like a very stereotypical response from this Digital Marketing Analyst. The downside? He apparently can’t count. The 3 things he’d bring if stranded on a desert island are “A sailboat, a radio, a case of Cabernet, and a few books”.
Juan Pablo – This former pro soccer player doesn’t read. He’s laid back but wants to dance all night. If he had a superpower it would be to read people’s minds, which is creepy. But he’s attractive and athletic so I have a feeling Des will like him.
Kasey – This advertising executive with 5 siblings once rode his bike across Sierra Leone. He’s a former Oral Roberts Basketball player so either he’s a jerk athlete or he’s a passionate Christian. I’m guessing the latter and thinking Des will fall for him.
Larry – Went to Notre Dame. Enough said. Ok I don’t actually think he’s a contender based on his hair, but it’s obvious from his Bio ABC wants to play up the ND factor so I’m going to hope he stays awhile.
Mike R – This Dental Student/Model from London may have a cheesy grin in his photo, but he has the whole English accent thing going for him. He apparently likes “bouncing around dive bars with women who are not usually into those kinds of places.” He’s also had sex in public on a military base. Apparently these guys think they’re under oath to admit everything they’ve done in these questionnaires…
Nick M – This Investment Advisor is son of a CEO of a Fortune 500 company (I’ll research and figure out which one). He seems like one of the more normal guys on the show, and reads enough to have a favorite author.
Robert – This Advertising Entrepreneur lists The Notebook among his favorite movies. He’s been to Paris for a picnic date under the Eiffel Tower so I imagine he’ll adjust well to the types of dates on The Bachelorette. He also reads enough to have a favorite author so I expect he’ll go far.
The “eh, seem pretty average” guys
Ben – An entrepreneur from Texas who quite literally answered every Bio question with blah, middle-of-the-road answers that say nothing about his personality:
Bryden – This Iraq War Veteran (who appears to have no current career) is a former Soldier of the Year runner up and listed his best date memory as Go Karts and Laser Tag (which is kind of awesome).
Chris – likes Scrabble. And was drafted by the Cubs (but is listed as a Mortgage Broker so I’ll assume he doesn’t play baseball anymore).
Jonathan – This Attorney lists his best three attributes as his height (6’1”), shoe size (11 – thanks ABC for listing all of the shoe sizes for the guys…), and his vertical leap (TBD). He loves dogs and his dad. If stranded on a desert island he would bring Marisa Miller, and she spells her name incorrectly, so he’s out of the running to be a favorite.
Micah – Fairly average sounding Minnesota law student who likes lakes, cold and being the center of attention. Oh and he once bought an engagement ring for a girl after dating her for a week.
Will – This banker includes Mac & Cheese in his favorite foods and likes going for walks with his dates, which are both awesome. Healso likes taking his dates to the gym to work out with him, which is a little weird to list as your favorite date. His last relationship lasted 6 years so I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s not over her.
Zak W – At least he admits giving a previous girlfriend a robot vacuum as a gift was not the most romantic thing he’s ever done. He claims to be an engineer but apparently went to school for English & Psych. He seems to be funny and a little quirky so I think he’ll do ok on the show.
The Bottom Dwellers
Brandon – He’s from Minnesota yet prefers hot over cold. He also appears to highlight his hair. He’s been engaged before but listed the reason for the breakup as “we never really found a venue.” Seriously… I can’t even make this stuff up. The pros? He loves dogs and his grandpa.
Brian – Based on the previews I think he’s the one that has a girlfriend appear on the show. Even if he’s not that guy, he’s not a contender at all because it looks like he took a selfie as his official picture. And he wants a girl with “an athletic, curvy body type at least 5’5″… and Des is a short stick figure.
Brooks – Overall a boring Bio. But if he had a superpower he’d beat Watson the computer in Jeopardy.
Dan – Hopes to meet his wife on TV because he doesn’t “do the club scene.” Naturally TV is the only other option. And his favorite artist is apparently Leonardo da Vinci. And he said (unprompted) in his questionnaire that he’d be interested in being the next Bachelor if he doesn’t win… so he’s thinking too far ahead.
Diogo – From Brazil and likes horseback riding on the beach. So a walking romance novel. He casually mentioned in his Bio a few last minute dates to Italy and Disneyland, so I’m guessing he’s got $ and will use it to try to win over Des, which never works on this show (cough Kalon cough).
James – His favorite author is Dr. Seuss. I love Dr. Seuss too, but favorite author? He wants a woman who pursues him… so he went on the wrong show. His biggest date fear is spilling tomato sauce on a white shirt, which is kind of adorable. But he literally left his biggest accomplishment in life to date blank, which is bizarre. At 27 if he hasn’t accomplished anything worth mentioning he probably is boring.
Michael G – This Federal Prosecutor is 33, so he seems a little old for Desiree. He also brought up being a diabetic as often as possible, which makes me think he’ll bring it up on the show as often as Sarah brought up her one arm last season.
Mikey T – What is it with these guys? Mikey hasn’t read a book in “many years.” This plumbing contractor and Pawn Stars fan has been the star of a “surprise striptease show in front of hundreds of sorority girls.” His idea of the ultimate date is a sporting event and dinner.
Nick R – This Tailor/Magician (interesting combo) appears to eat only organically and has the best handwriting of all of the guys. What does marriage mean to him? Monogamy. Apparently he’s not used to that concept.
Zack K – Went to USC and includes among his greatest achievements “getting a full ride to USC” for baseball.
Bennie HATES when I blow air on his face (particularly his ears), and despises the hair dryer. Yet he loves it when I open the door and he can get fresh air, and loves the windows open in the car. Confusing? I think so.
Last night Bennie needed a bath. Actually he’s needed a bath for awhile, I just have been procrastinating this task.
Why would I procrastinate giving Bennie a bath? It’s the most heartbreaking sound when my dog whines because he wants free reign of my apartment. And after a bath I don’t want his soggy fur getting the carpet, sofa, kitchen, TV, etc. wet, so he’s stuck in the bathroom.
Last night I positioned myself where I could pet him post-bath at the same time as watching the national championship game. The poor guy was whining the whole time (despite his newfound love for the bath itself). Forty-five minutes later he was only slightly damp, and I let him loose.
Let him loose? Yes. It was like the running of the bulls, except the Running of Bennie. He sprinted around my small apartment for about 10 minutes, leaping obstacles (trash), doing damage with his tail (water + tail = spilled water), even attempting to frantically re-fluff his favorite bean bag chair. There were toys kicked, sofas climbed, walls run into when corners were taken too fast, a slight stop for water, then the running continued.
I tried to pull out my phone to capture it on video and he instantly stopped. I put my phone away and he started running around again! My little camera shy Chiweenie suddenly decided play time was over about 5 minutes later. He sprinted to his favorite pink bean bag chair (freshly fluffed!), sprinted through a drunken-looking frantic three circles, then IMMEDIATELY fell asleep.
Adorable pre-bath smelly Bennie:
The Running of the Bennie was exhausting!